A Hot Girl on Myspace Really Likes Me.....

A guy I work with started "dating" a girl that he met on myspace. Okay, that's not that uncommon anymore; meeting someone on the internet is how a lot of people start dating. Only problem is, Sarah is hot. Really hot....Chris....um....not so much. Now that's not a problem, if you've got a great personality or are really charming. Chris is a no on both accounts. His top myspace friend is "Dungeons and Dragons" for example.

Needless to say, everyone thought that someone was just messing with Chris. Pretty much everyone thought this....except Chris. After about a week, they had told each other "I love you"...through myspace messaging. Apparently, Sarah just moved to Lafayette and didn't have a phone yet. She had just started serving at Red Lobster and was still doing training at minimum wage, so it would be a few weeks before she could afford to get one.

A couple of weeks go by and still no phone calls. Chris went to see her at work, but she was off that day. Another several days go by and Chris goes back to Red Lobster. This time, he was in luck and Sarah was working. A Sarah, but not Chris' Sarah. In turns out, that that is the only Sarah that works there. Chris is a little upset and a little confused, so he contacts her to find out what's going on....via Myspace. Sarah cleared things up by explaining that she went by a nickname at work, since there was already a Sarah there.  Therefore, that must be why they said she didn't work there. Now everyone is pretty sure that Sarah isn't real....except, of course, Chris.

Then, Sarah and Chris set up a date to meet at one of the local bars. Chris still didn't want to listen to anyone and at this point, I told Chris that I was starting to think that HE might actually be Sarah. Chris assured me that Sarah was real and went so far as to bet me $50 that Sarah would show up. We had to make some ground rules, so we decided that Chris could win the bet if Sarah showed up and was the girl in the pictures, even if the pictures were really old. He lost on a no-show or if it was some girl using fake pictures.

So, Chris shows up to the bar early and starts looking for Sarah. Only problem was, Sarah never showed up. Again, Chris is pissed and sends her an angry e-mail. Sarah replies with an angrier e-mail. Turns out, they were both there, but since it was a weekend and the bar was really packed....they just never found each other. Chris was mad at Sarah, Sarah was mad at Chris and I was fifty bucks richer.

Chris and Sarah quickly make up and continue their cyber-courtship. At some point, Sarah mentions that she's really into guys with pierced tongues. Yup, you guessed it; Chris went out two days later and got his tongue pierced. He came in to work immediately afterwards to show it off. Then, he went to Red Lobster to show Sarah. After describing Sarah to five people that work there, including the GM, Chris finds out that Sarah does NOT work at Red Lobster. Needless to say Chris is pissed and sends an angry e-mail to Sarah (still no phone calls). At this point, Sarah breaks down and confesses that she's really a cocktail waitress at a strip club and didn't want to be judged based on her job. She apologizes and begs for forgiveness....and, of course, Chris buys it all.

So Sarah and Chris set up another date. This time at a country bar in Indianapolis, about an hour drive from here. Chris and I make another bet on the appearance of the illusive Sarah, double-or-nothing. In fact, Chris is so confident she's going to show up, he cancels the double-or-nothing bet and makes it a cool $100. Learning from their previous mistake, they arrange to meet next to the mechanical bull. Yes, I'm serious.

Chris shows up to the bar an hour early this time and searches out the mechanical bull. Uh oh, a problem. There's a band playing that night, so they took out the bull to put the stage in. Chris waits by where the mechanical bull usually is, but never sees Sarah. I'm now up $150.

Chris is crushed and doesn't hear from Sarah for about a week. At this point, I post the first blog about Chris and Sarah. It was actually a really popular blog and got a LOT of comments. Basically, even though people were just reading about this and had never met Chris, everyone thought that Sarah was a fake.

Somehow, Sarah found at about the blog. It could be because I posted links to Sarah and Chris' pages on the first blog and she was getting a lot of messages.....or she might have just stumbled upon it. I'm guessing it was the former though, since she chewed Chris out for telling everyone about their whole relationship. Oh yeah, apparently Chris and Sarah had been talking again but Chris wasn't telling anyone about her latest news....

It turns out that the reason Sarah didn't show up for the second date was that she'd passed out earlier that day. She'd been on a starvation diet for the week before so she could look her best for Chris. After the fainting spell, her cousin took her to the doctor, where she found out that she was pregnant.

So now Sarah returns home to Austin to consult with her family and her ex-boyfriend, the father of the baby. She decides to keep the baby but not take the ex back. Chris, being a nice guy and desperate, offers to help her raise the baby if she comes back to Lafayette. All by e-mail, because Sarah still does NOT have a phone. Apparently, neither do her parents.

I post an update blog revealing the newest twist in the Chris/Sarah relationship. Even more people think that Chris is an idiot and start taking the investigation into their own hands. It's uncovered that Sarah created her profile on April 1st, April Fool's Day. Chris just brushes this off as coincidence. As he put it, "if she'd made her profile on Friday the 13th, everyone would just say she was going to be unlucky and that I was just jealous." Only problem is, Friday the 13th is a superstition. Some people think it's bad luck, some don't. April Fool's Day is a day that you fuck with people and EVERYONE knows this. Denial is a powerful force.

ENTER Sarah in the blog comments. She starts defending herself and Chris and their relationship. She even posts some of the poems that Chris wrote her to defend his writing abilities. Chris couldn't be happier that Sarah's sticking up for him, except that she's still in Austin. At this point, Chris quits telling me anything about him and Sarah. Lucky for me, he's still telling everyone else and then they come and tell me.

Eventually, I post an update and Sarah leaves another comment....this time announcing that she's really a guy. S/he really loves Chris but didn't think he was ready to come out of the closet yet. S/he agreed with Chris that they had a real connection, reinforced their soul-mateness and reminded Chris of the fact that he said he'd love her/him no matter what.

The next day at work, Chris looked like he was ready to cry. I felt bad for him, I really did. Then he started telling all the girls at work he was really depressed and thinking about suicide and how he wished there was some way he could feel better. The son of a bitch was using the whole thing fishing for pity sex. Now I wonder if maybe the whole thing was a trick orchestrated by Chris in order to set up this very scenario, except I don't think Chris would be capable of pulling it off this successfully. Plus, I don't think he would have  honored his bets and gone through with the whole piercing thing, in the hope of pity sex in the near future.

Now Chris is done with Sarah...for awhile. He finally convinces himself that she was trying to give him an easy out, or she was scared of how quick their relationship was progressing or that her cousin logged into Myspace as her and the cousin was the one trying to get rid of Chris. Chris again begins sending e-mails to Sarah asking for the REAL truth. Eventually, Sarah tells Chris that she's really a group of girls in a sorority that were just messing with guys on myspace. Then, still later, Sarah made another confession. She finally told Chris who she really was......

                                                    ME (insert evil laughter here)

Yup, it's me. I know I'm a bastard, but this has to be one of the best pranks ever. You should have seen how proud he was of his tongue stud. All it took were a few pictures from a spammers profile and a profile that took 20 minutes to create.

Chris was kind of asking for it though. For the two weeks prior to the beginning of this prank, he was convinced every girl, ugly, cute or downright hot that came into work was from myspace and was there to check him out. Seriously. I almost ended the whole thing on several occaisons. However, Chris kept rubbing in how hot is cyber-girlfriend was and how all the guys at work was just jealous of him and all the girls were mad that he was off the market.

Now, I gave Chris plenty of opportunities to figure out that Sarah was fake. I changed the name of her cousin from April to Amber, back to April, then to Amy and he never noticed. After the whole nickname thing, I mentioned to Chris that I was going to have to go to Red Lobster and request SoSo (her apparent nickname) as my server, even though Chris never told me the nickname. At one point, I even changed the song on her profile to The Crying Game. There were a number of other clues, but Chris never caught on. In fact, after listening to Chris talk about her and knowing how the conversations went from her side, Chris really didn't pay attention at all. He'd always get stuff wrong about her and I had to fight the urge to tell him he was wrong.

I confessed to Chris a few months ago when he was really pissing me off. Let's just say Chris wasn't real happy. He's convinced himself that I have a man-crush on him, which I can say is definitely not true. If I were gay, I could do much better than Chris. Now, all I have to do is throw this in his face whenever he starts getting an attitude or unwarranted cockiness. Unfortunately, Chris has been promoted and is now technically my boss. Maybe that would explain the lame write-up he gave me last week. FUCK!

What do you think? Drop me a comment and tell me how big of a dick I am, I'm ready for it.

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